Re-entry

5 weeks today we fly back to England. How do we feel? Very excited, feeling of anticipation, "looking forward to" etc. But combined with these feelings are another layer of feelings...

When you prepare to go overseas (to "the field"). There are anticipated things like 'culture shock", facing a new language, new people, sights, sounds, smells, in fact all that comes from being a stranger in a foreign land! As an individual I have faced this 4 times. Actually physically moving and setting up home in a different country (Saudi Arabia, the Philippines, France and Tunisia). As a married couple and then with kids we have had 3 major country moves. There is no doubt that entering a new culture is a huge life change with many positive and challenging factors. It takes preparation in a holistic way!

However, "re-entry" (returning to your "home" culture) is seen as less of a step. After all, it is more familiar. You are known, you know the cultural dance steps, the unspoken cultural language and undercurrents, the history etc. But why is it then that we find the "re-entry" just as challenging (sometimes more so than "entry")?

There are a number of answers we have (so far) found to this question.

1/ New and "alien" experiences - Of course it is not only those who travel overseas that have changes and new experiences. But our changes and experiences are things that many of our "home based" friends or family cannot really relate to and identify with. For us, these things may be major events and important stories in our lives that we want to share. We are often asked "So how has it been out there?" And you have to try and give a short answer or you see that glazed look come over people's faces!

2/ Different friendships and social groups - we have been spending time with people who (in our particular experience) have been poverty stricken, despairing, exploited and in hiding. We leave them behind and return to a life that we find it difficult to fit back in to. When you have witnessed and shared the path of the desperate poverty in the developing world, it is hard to meaningfully discuss someone's broken washing machine or the recession in the UK. It is hard not to look at peoples lives as excessive and to relate to Western based Christians who for the most part appear to have it quite "cushy" but seem to moan a lot about their Christian experience...
Yet you cannot and must not judge! You must not let people think you are looking dissaprovingly at their lives! We have to learn to live to the beat of a different drum!

3/ Our kids - for us this is definitely the most major consideration. Changing cultures as a single person or married couple, is totally different to when you have children in tow. For us a huge factor of both moving overseas and re-entry is the impact on our kids and trying to help them deal with what is ahead. One major difference is that even though the UK (in this instance) is the "home culture" for Glyn and I - it isn't for our kids (Sam 9, and Carys 5). Sam was born in England but by 2 years old was living in France and has never lived in the UK since. For Carys, she was born in France and has never lived in the UK! So whilst Glyn and I have a store of memories from the UK and recognise our cultural identity - Sam and Carys relate far more to the Tunisian culture. This is the place that holds their memories and makes them feel comfortable. When Glyn and I go "home" Sam and Carys are facing a new country. For them it's new house, school, friends, cultural norms and practises. It is also how you help the children express their fears, concerns and all he loss and change process. They often don't have the words or articulation to put into words what they are feeling about leaving and entering a new situation. Whilst Glyn and I can communicate how we feel. We notice the kids are more unsettled at times, "tantrumy", and starting to want to withdraw from certain things. We just have to journey with them and do all we can to help them feel secure and positive about this next step. We do make a point of sitting down as a family on a regular basis and talking about how we are feeling - what we are excited about and nervous about. We are in the process of looking through all our photos (thousands!) from the past 5 years and making a photo book which reflects our most precious and significant moments.

4/ The goodbye's - Saying goodbye to people that have become important (and unless you are fortunate, unlikely to see again). And helping the children to say goodbye to their special friends and places. We are about to go on a country tour to do this - it is such a blessing to have the ability and freedom at this time.

So, these things along with a few others are some of the reasons why it is just as difficult to return as it is to leave!